just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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