Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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