Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
