Moan for me like Helen Keller
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
