He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
