This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
