I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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