you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
