You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize