when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
