I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
