Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
