when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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