we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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