i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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