that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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