U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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