bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
