You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just pee around me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
