Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
