so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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