When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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