I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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