i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
