I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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