Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
