someone threw a dead crab at me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
