O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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