u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
