About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
