holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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