mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
