Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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