I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
