i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
