I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
