3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
