google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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