You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
