So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
