There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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