So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
