not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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