Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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