my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
