I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
