I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
