If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
