and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
