Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
