I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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