I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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