The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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