I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
