Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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