lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
