And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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