What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
