remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I stole a fireplace last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
