Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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