you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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