Someone shit on the floor
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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