Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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